NO MORE symbol

What is NO MORE? It is a new, overarching symbol, like the pink breast cancer ribbon and the yellow support our troops ribbon, that is bringing together all people, organizations and communities that support ending domestic violence and sexual assault in our society.  NO MORE.org

Being a good neighbor.

Are you a good neighbor - learn the signs of family violence - call the police if you even suspect abuse.  You may save someone's life. Learn more here.

Or, or, or . . .

"All we know is that out mate isn't funny all the time, or clever all the time, or considerate all the time, or rich all the time, or handsome all the time, or whatever . . . all the time, not recognizing that if they were all those things all of the time, we would still be looking for more." Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.  The Journey from Lost to Found

"Why doesn't she just leave?"

Did you know that danger increases by 75% when women leave abusive partners?  Domestic violence is about abusers wanting CONTROL of their partners.  Learn the signs of abuse --- make differences for victims. Learn more!

 "Happiness is never something you get from other people. The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give." ~Oprah  the-best-of-oprah-s-what-i-know-for-sure, 2005

Being 13

 "I've learned that it always makes me feel good to see my parents holding hands. --Age 13"   Complete-live-and-learn-and-pass-it-on

Going to Battle

Are bullies victims?

When people don't like themselves very much, they have to make up for it. The classic bully was actually a victim first.  ~author unknown  More info.

90% of Elder Abuse by Families - What do you think?

Did you know the most common form of Elder Abuse is financial and 90% is done by their families or trusted others?  To find out if this is true, click here.

Know-it-all Couples

"I've learned that couples without children always know just how you should raise yours. --Age 29" Do you agree?  I sure do.  complete-live-and-learn-and-pass-it-on

Does time really fly?

 Time flies?  Is it true for you only when you're having fun?  The last 10 days feel like a blur but not fun.  Been helping care for sick people.  Origin of phrase?

Depression LEAVE ME ALONE!

Been believing I am overwhelmed and depressed because of 3 family members with fatal illnesses.  When I read this today, I decided to not let depression to pull down in the vortex that it has been.  "Our beliefs can move us forward in life - or they can hold us back." Oprah, The Best of Oprah's What I Know For Sure

Join me in a Win-Win Project

Will you join me in a Win-Win project?  By registering at YIPDEALS.COM we will get emails for local deals and Hope House domestic violence shelter will get 12% to help pay for the 82 CANS of fruits and vegetables to feed their residents each and every day.   Get your deals here.

physical, sexual, emotional, verbal abuse -- 1 in 3 dating relationships

Did you know there is currently only one juvenile domestic violence court in the country focuses exclusively on teen dating violence? Why should we care? Because 1 in 3 adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from dating partners. Learn more here.

What kind of friend am I?

"I've learned to like who I am.  If I had a frend like me, I would say, 'Now that is an OK person.' There are many people out there who would agree.  As far as the others go, I'll just say hello - and quickly say good-bye." Susan Jeffers, Ph.D.  Buy on Amazon here.

Lost Tools?

"I've learned that it doesn't do any good to buy expensive tools if I can never find them. --Age 41"Complete Live And Learn And Pass It On

MARILYN MAYE at Double Tree on Saturday, 6/8/13

Legendary KC performer MARILYN MAYE will be at June Jubilee for SAFEHOME on Saturday, 6/8 at the Double Tree Hotel!!!  Reception, Silent and Live Auctions, Dinner and Marilyn (only appearance scheduled in KC in 2013).  Get your tickets here!

Hope House and all That Jazz

Women of Song at the Phoenix Jazz Club, Monday, June 3rd, Monday, 7:00pm -11:00pm - Happy Hour prices until 10 pm.  Enjoy an evening of listening to some fantastic music and make a difference for domestic violence victims being helped at Hope House  Tickets $10 online; $15 at the door.  Women of Song for Hope House

Sex Trafficking in AMERICA?

​DOJ reports that between 2008-2010, 83% of sex trafficking victims found within the U.S. were U.S. citizens  *An estimated 293,000 American children are currently at risk of commercial sexual exploitation *The average age at which girls first become victims of commercial sexual exploitation is 12-14 years old​.     Rights$Girls.org

13-year-old American Sex Slave

Jackie ran away from an abusive home at 13 only to be found alone and hungry by a trafficker who promised to love her like a father/boyfriend/Prince Charming. He sold her to at least six different men every night. When she begged him for food or rest, he beat her.  Rights 4 Girls

Veterans' Children

Did you know VETERANS often suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) when they return home from war?  And often spouses and children "mirror" the  soldiers symptoms because they are suffering from Secondary PTSD. One of the scariest symptoms I see is children who suddenly get into an unusual amount of trouble and taking place in violent acts. Vets and Families

"I've learned if you spread the peas out on your plate, it looks like you ate more. -- Age 6"
Live And Learn And Pass It On

Secondary PTSD

May is mental health and is likely not on the forefront of everyone’s mind.  It is important to know Secondary PTSD affects survivors of domestic and sexual violence. Spouses and children often "mirror" abuser symptoms, especially of veterans.     http://www.christoshouse.com/

Elopment from Locked Nursing Facility

Attempted elopement from a skilled nursing facility in West Plains, MO on 5/12/13.  Carolyn and Phyllis packed all their belongings in their pillowcases, purses, and Wal-Mart bags, then went to the locked door of the unit and waited for someone, anyone to open it for them.  Nicole, a nurse, found them patiently waiting and trying to look all-innocent.  She explained that they couldn’t leave the facility without a staff member going with them.  Like children, the ladies obeyed the order to go back to their room to unpack.  Some time later when Nicole was making her rounds and walked into the now famous Carolyn and Phyllis room, the two of them were standing at the window looking at something.  Nicole joined them, smiled to herself, turned to them and asked, “What is your stuff doing out there on the ground?”  Carolyn and Phyllis looked to the corners of the room, the floor and anywhere else except at Nicole and did not answer. Escape had been partially successful.  They had ripped the screen loose, stuffed their pillows, comforters, clothing and a small potted plant through the 5-inch space to their freedom.  Carolyn and Phyllis no longer share the same room.  Alzheimer’s is a mean and cruel disease.  Choosing to see humor in my sister Carolyn’s actions, keeps me a little saner so I won’t be her roommate in the same facility any time soon. Mayo Clinic Info on Alzheimers

Rising from the ashes of my sister's Alzheimer's

“The phoenix hope can wing her way through the desert skies and still, defying fortune’s spite, revive from ashes and rise.” ~Miguel de Cervantes     I've been buried in the ashes of my sister's Alzheimer's disease. For the first time today, I know I will survive and come out a stronger, more knowledgeable woman.

17 Hours on the Phone and No Help Available

Alzheimer's disease is consuming my life!  And I don't even have the disease.  Within 2 weeks, I took my sister's car away from her (she threw me out of her apartment when I told her I had moved it) Taking Drivers license Away From Senior Drivers and after 17 hours on the phone to various agencies including police, an ambulance company and many, many health agencies to get assistance for her at home (her income level is below poverty level but falls in a crack disqualifying her for most home services), she took care of the situation herself.  She fell while at Wal-mart and got a concussion that put her in the hospital and then moved to an Alzheimer's unit.   Hardest things I have had to do other than surviving 25 years in a verbally abusive marriage.  Susan's web site.

Simple Forgetfulness or Alzheimer's Disease

Is it Alzheimer’s disease where nerve cells in the brain die gradually, or is it simple forgetfulness?
More symptoms here: Alzheimer’s disease symptoms may be hard to recognize at first. You may assume that symptoms such as mild forgetfulness or an occasional loss of focus are normal signs of aging. But as the disease progresses, Alzheimer’s disease symptoms become more than “normal” changes. They become frightening, incapacitating, and dangerous. In the latter stages of disease, people with Alzheimer’s often require round-the-clock care.  Early symptoms here.

Have you met Alzheimer's Disease that sucks away memories?

Alzheimer's Disease is the most common type of dementia. Symptoms of Alzheimer's, including early-onset Alzheimer's, include problems with memory, judgment, and thinking, which makes it hard to work or take part in day-to-day life. As the stages of Alzheimer's progress, memory loss and other signs of Alzheimer's become more apparent. Many people find help with Alzheimer's drugs, but there is no cure for this form of dementia.More info here.

Taking Care of Her Roommate Helps my Sister

My little sis is adjusting better because her failed elopement got her moved into a different room with a new roommate.  The staff doesn't know who the ring leader was in sliding the window open about 5 inches (secured by a bar at that width because there have been successful escapes before), ripping the window screen loose, stuffing pillows, comforters and even a potted plant.  When caught in action, Carolyn and Phyllis acted like innocent toddlers as if they hadn't done anything wrong.  Now Carolyn thinks she is taking care of her roommate, Delores.  Everyone needs to feel needed and loved, even Alzheimer's patients.  Thank you sis for the laughter you gave me.  Donate here to help find a cure for Alzheimer's

Alzheimer's in Her 50s?

My younger sister, Carolyn, at the age of 64 was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in October 2012.  The disease has progressed so fast, she is now in an Alzheimer's unit "locked in prison" as she calls it.  She is single with only me, a cousin and an aunt to take care of her.  Thank God there are 3 of us to figure out all this stuff.  It is overwhelming!  Alzheimer's at 51?

Men Are Victims?

Domestic violence against men - you're kidding, right?!  2 of my family members, who are men in their 40s, are getting divorces due to being shot with deadly bullet words.  1 of them spent a night in jail because his wife said he was abusing her. In actuality, he was protecting himself from pummeling him by holding her wrists. These young men are just as devastated by the abuse, maybe more so, because society doesn't label women as abusers very often.  To learn more info:  Domestic Violence Against Men: Know the Signs

Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

Do you love the person you are dating?  Is there a gnawing in your gut that something isn't quite right but you can't name it?  You may find your answer in this quiz.
Am I in a Healthy Relationship?

Finding Peace

"If you allow yourself to be bored, even for an hour - or less - and don't fight it, the feelings of boredom will be replaced wit feelings of peace.  And after a little practice, you'll learn to relax." Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Am I a Good Parent?

"I've learned that you can tell how good a parent you were by observing your children with their children. --Age 82"
live-and-learn-and-pass-it-on

Bullying and Verbal Abuse

Bullying AND verbal abuse such as name calling and ordering you around is dating violence waiting on the sidelines to happen.  Questionnaire to see if you are in an abusive relationship. Find out before it is too late.http://www.apa.org/topics/bullying/

50,000 Thoughts

It has been estimated that the average human being has around 50,000 thoughts per day.  Some positive and productive --- Some negative.  If you CHOOSE to ignore or dismiss the negative ones, a peaceful feeling is only a moment away. http://www.dontsweat.com/

My partner loves me NOT if they get violent or are physically threatening to me.   Learn about respect....

Were you ever bullied?  Do you still have scars to this day? Shane Koyczan's poem tells the life-lasting pain of being bullied and what to do about it now.  Video has over 7 million hits on it.  Watch and listen to Shane's poem,

"ATLANTA – Law enforcement and social workers encounter most murderers in domestic-violence cases, according to a report released Wednesday by the Georgia Commission on Family Violence.  The report shows that half the murder victims would have moved out if they had had a way to take their pets. The commission urges police officers and social workers to ask about the pets when interviewing victims."    More of article here..,

"Hall of Fame quarterback Roger Staubach told a crowd of thousands in downtown that men should know better than to strike a woman. But domestic abuse continues to bedevil authorities in Dallas and elsewhere.  "It's amazing that we even need to have this rally," Staubach told the crowd at the rally dubbed Dallas Men Against Abuse, "but the momentum needs to take shape."  By DAVID WARREN | Associated Press – Sat, Mar 23, 2013

"I've learned that age is important only if you are a cheese. - Age 76     Live and Learn and Pass It On

Going nonprofit is exciting, overwhelming, fun, confusing, exhilarating, challenging and definitely worth the effort - I hope!      For family violence information, click here.

"I've learned that regrets over yesterday and the fear of tomorrow are twin thieves that rob us of the moment. - Age 29"     Live and Learn and Pass It On

"Being loved feels heavenly - Being abused feels like I'm living in hell!"  --> ©Susan Grace Napier  To learn more about various forms of family violence, click here.

Dating Violence Looks Like.........

What Does Dating Violence Look Like?

Teens and young adults experience the same types of abuse in relationships as adults. This can include:

• Physical Abuse: Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon.
• Verbal or Emotional Abuse: Non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.
• Sexual Abuse: Any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including rape, coercion or restricting access to birth control.
• Digital Abuse: Use of technologies and/or social media networking to intimidate, harass or threaten a current or ex-dating partner. This could include demanding passwords, checking cell phones, cyber bullying, sexting, excessive or threatening texts or stalking on Facebook or other social media.

Dating Violence 101

???Teen Dating Violence???

What is Teen Dating Violence?  A pattern of abusive behaviors used to exert power and control over an intimate partner. Nearly 80% of young women who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser.      http://www.loveisrespect.org/

Youth Activists Against Dating Violence

Millenials (16-24 years of age) are great activists in stopping Teen Dating Violence because Peers influence peers, Observing change they have created has positive effect on their development, Youth involvement encourages adults to take action, Those who speak out feel more connected to the community.     Breaking the Cycle

"I've learned that hatred is like acid.  It destroys the vessel that holds it. - Age 56"   Live and Learn and Pass It On

Abuse is NOT love!

My partner loves me NOT if they get violent or are physically threatening to me.    http://www.loveisrespect.org/

Loves me NOT if Jealous/Possessive

My partner loves me NOT if they are Jealous or possessive - tries to control me - is always checking up on me.           http://www.loveisrespect.org/

Are Girl Bullies Meaner than Boys?

Yes, they are!  They use alienation, ostracism, calculated exclusion, spread rumors, gang up on peers, incite others to act out aggressively then sit back to watch the show – often the bullying tactics used by girls are brushed off as cruel but normal social interactions.   www.stopbullying.com

Teen/College Student Safety Plans

TEEN SAFETY PLANS AGAINST VIOLENCE: Safety plans are crucial when leaving abusive relationships – violence escalates when abuser starts losing control. Check out Break the Cycle's Teen's Guide to Safety Planning and College Student's Guide to Safety Planning to create tailored plans.  Immediate assistance in KC at 816-HOTLINE.

Halting Teen Dating Violence

Talk About Healthy Dating Relationships With Your Teens ~~ Talk with them and their friends.  Your extended family.  Your friends.  Your neighbors.  Your schools.  Everyone you know.  YOU can make a difference.
Empower Your Teens 

Silent Epidemic - Teen Dating Violence

A Silent Epidemic - 1Empowering Youth in 3 students report experiencing some form of abuse, and more than 2/3 never report that abuse to a caring adult.  A world where over 80% of school counselors report being unprepared to address incidents of abuse.

Empowering Youth

Bullying

BULLYING is teasing, name-calling, inappropriate sexual comments, taunting, making threats of harm *** SOCIAL – relational bullying of leaving someone out on purpose, telling other people to not be friends with someone, spreading rumors, embarrassing someone in public *** PHYSICAL – hurting a person’s body or possessions, hitting, kicking, pinching, spitting, punching, tripping, pushing, taking or breaking someone’s property, making mean or rude hand gestures. www.stopbullying.gov

Outstanding Athletes in KC

Have you seen or heard of ADVANCED ATHLETE magazine?  Pick it up for FREE at 400 different locations in the KC area.  Each month exceptional athletes are showcased along with a variety of articles that touch every area of young people’s lives, including Teen Dating Violence in the March issue.  If you have been to a high school game in the last month, you might spot someone you know in the eight full pages of color photos.  Thank you Carla Town, Editor, for doing a fantastic job of educating teens and parents in this informative and interesting magazine each month. Advanced Athlete Magazine

All American Youth Sports Expo

All Things Youth Sports & More Under One Roof!  agility, basketball, coaching, injury prevention, martial arts & discipline, nutrition & hydration, pitching & hitting, recruiting, rehab therapy, speed training...And Much More – March 22nd – 24th 2013 – Overland Park International Trade Center – FREE – All American Youth Sports Expo  aayse.com

OVER $700 DONATED BY 9-YEAR-OLD TWINS!  Brook and Morgan, thoughtful, young philanthropists delivered a gift bag stuffed full of gift cards last week to the Lee’s Summit, MO, domestic violence shelter of HOPE HOUSE.  The girls had asked their friends to bring gift cards to their 9th birthday party instead of buying presents---over $700 worth.  The residents at Hope House thank them for their extraordinary kindness and for showing that charity and thinking of others starts young.  Parents must be extremely proud.  Hope House web site

1 in 10 high school students has purposely hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend. http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/dating-violence-statistics

Domestic Violence and Animal Shelters

5,000 animal shelters in USA
1,942 domestic violence shelters in USA
2.8 times as many shelters for animals as people

Color-coded Personal Protection Orders

Regarding Personal Protection Orders (PPO), I think the legal system should have a color-coded alert system like Homeland Security previously used in warning Americans of potential terrorist attacks, after All Abusers are Terrorist. RED = Severe Risk (parole violation, previous PPOs violations, etc.); ORANGE = High Risk (multiple arrests of various types, reports of stalking, etc); YELLOW = Elevated Risk (multiple 911 calls from same victim, etc.); BLUE = Guarded Risk (threats through emails, phone, and in person, etc.). This would also help the police know what they are facing when responding to domestic violence calls which are over 50% of 911 calls.

Purple Heart 50 Years Later

Korean War is the topic of my writing today. My uncle was injured in that war and didn't have his Purple Heart presented to him until 50 years later. I'm writing an article to go in our home town paper in West Plains, MO.

medical profession as Front Line Defenders against domestic violence

All medical professionals are in a position to be Front Line Defenders against domestic violence.   They see the "bathing suit" areas where abusers typically injure their victims because they are covered with clothing.   I did a training session of symptoms, etc. for the staff in my primary doctor's office.  I got hugs and multiple thanks yous for doing it.  Then when I spoke with the organizer, she said they were amazed that some members of the staff started talking about their own situations that they had been afraid to talk about before the training.  The sad thing is that the trainer for the company won't include me in the training schedules of their other 7 office in the KC area.  I'm going to see about doing a lunch and learn so it takes the trainer out of it.

Weapons used in Domestic Violence

The weapon in my abuser's arsenal that did continuous, ever-lasting damage to me did not leave visible physical symptoms on me.  It was bullet words shot at me with day in and day out -  derogatory name calling, insulting criticism, threats, taunts, negative labeling, blaming, false accusations, etc.  Words that tattered my being like a paper target at shooting ranges.  Bruises and broken bones heal but the words never go away.

Domestic Violence Defined

"Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner," is the National Center for Victims of Crime's definition.  There is no one accepted definition for Domestic Violence, but this one says it pretty succinctly, in my not so humble opinion.  To me the key words are "control and power."  This describes every abuse whether is is (child abuse, elder abuse, family units of various types, or intimate partners).  Abuse is a abuse and these are a few of the weapons in an abuser's arsenal.   

Domestic violence includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.  Physical Abuse: Hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, biting, hair pulling, denying a partner medical care or forcing alcohol and/or drug use upon another person.  Sexual Abuse: coercing any sexual contact or behavior without consent, marital rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forcing sex after physical violence has occurred, treating one in a sexually demeaning manner.  Emotional Abuse: verbal abuse that undermines individual's sense of self-worth and/or self-esteem through constant criticism,  name-calling, damaging one's relationship with the children.  Economic Abuse: attempting to make an individual financially dependent by maintaining total control over financial resources, withholding one's access to money, forbidding one's attendance at school or employment.  Psychological Abuse: causing fear by intimidation; threatening physical harm to self, partner, children, or partner's family or friends; destruction of pets and property; and forcing isolation from family, friends, or school and/or work.
National Network to End Domestic Violence

TV Show Law & Order: SVU fights domestic violence

Actress Mariska Hargitay who plays Detective Olivia Benson on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit founded it. She says "When people are abused and assaulted, it is like the doors to their souls slam shut. The goal of Joyful Heart is to let the light, and the life, back in--to banish the darkness and let the healing begin."  The cast of the show joins her in helping ALL victims of ALL types of abuse.   Impressive video



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zusb6VuF1jI